Today while talking to a friend, she confided that Mother’s Day is a very difficult day for her.  “She was a real bitch!” she said about her mother.  “How am I supposed to feel?”  I asked another woman what she was doing for the day and she replied, “Well, I’m not a mother, so I guess I’ll go home and be with my cats.”  There was a sadness in her voice and her face.  That got me to thinking about Mother’s Day and how tricky it can be for many people whose stories we don’t know.

Many of us were blessed with mothers who were loving and nurturing … not perfect, but who “mothered” us as best they knew how.  It is appropriate that we stop and give honor to that gift.

There are a multitude of others for whom this day is very tough.  Some of us were not “mothered,” but were abused – physically and emotionally.  Some of us grew up mothering our mothers because they couldn’t take care of themselves, let alone others.  Some of us grew up without a mother, due to a tragic loss.  Some of us were given birth by women who not only didn’t seem to have a clue about how to be a mother, they resented the obligation of being one.  Some of us grew up with mothers who were more absent than present both emotionally and physically.

Then, there are those whose life dream was to become a mother and, for whatever reason, that never happened.  For them, Mother’s Day is a reminder of what they never could be … an empty longing.  Some women were mothers, but lost their child from disease or other tragedy.  For them, Mother’s Day is profoundly sad and empty.

Some of us were given up for adoption by women who knew they were not able to be a mother … and today are reminded of a painful chapter in their past.  Others were adopted, and don’t know the story of their birth mother; many in that group wonder what it was about them that the woman who gave birth to them didn’t value them enough to keep.

There are school children who see their classmates making Mother’s Day cards, and they are reminded that they don’t have a mother at home to celebrate.

My point is that, in the midst of honoring the role and contribution of mothers, it is important to be mindful and sensitive to those for whom this is a difficult day.

Mother’s Day is a time to honor the mothering we have received … and to claim all the nurturing we have given.  It is a time not exclusively to observe the idea of the biological mother, but the maternal energy we have received.  Some of us have received this from our birth mother and we miss her presence dearly; some of us continue to receive this from her, and value it deeply.  Some are grateful that there were other women – and sometimes men – who nurtured and cared for us the way a mother might.

So, this Mother’s Day, let us celebrate all the people who have contributed to making us the people we are, and let us commit to be a “mothering” presence in the lives of all we meet who are hurt, lonely or afraid.

The extent to which you do, is the extent to which you’ll be able to say, “I feel good about being me!” …  and that’s a promise!